Some of you don’t know but I have been through almost every scary situation that could happen to you. And what I mean by that is I am going to barely be 27 years old and I have already experienced life and death situation that had my own life on the line. I also experienced very traumatic emotional and mental experiences I don’t even realize something is traumatic till someone says it out of shock of hearing whatever memory I have that somehow comes up in my over analytical brain. People don’t realize my PTSD is so bad I easily get triggered throughout the day and if it wasn’t for meds and years of professional therapy plus my own self therapy and disciplining myself, I would be going off on every single little issue at least three to ten times a day.

I know, I know. How can a girl like me end up with PTSD and am I self diagnosing myself?

To answer the second part of that question I am not self diagnosed or using PTSD as a adjective. I was diagnosed at 20/21 years old by the biggest asshole psychiatrist in the world but also knew his shit, he straight out said that I have PTSD at the level of a Vietnam war veteran. Pretty intense right? I get nightmares every time I sleep, I get such bad panic attacks trying to fall asleep that it feels like I literally can’t breathe and my chest gets so tight. I sometimes have to sit with someone and have my hand held till I fall asleep because of how bad the attacks get and they are completely random due to random triggers.

I had very intense medical traumas happen to me, as well as childhood trauma, plus my boyfriend dying. My nervous system is wired to be in constant fight or flight mode and it’s exhausting. Hence why I smoke weed and why my doctors encourage it. I can never just relax. When I lose my temper, if I get myself too upset I will get physically ill. My ex high school narcissistic boyfriend and I used to get in such bad fights my blood pressure raised high enough that I would start to have nosebleeds and they still can happen if I stress my body out enough. I have also broken out in rashes on my stomach/chest area from stress!

Hypertension disorder is a bitch!

If you all want to know the complicated life store of how I ended up with all these issues?

Stick around.