As a little girl, I have always been able to predict one’s actions and always able to tell when someone is lying or hiding something. Which to live life as a normal human being… makes things extremely difficult. Especially since I was raised to be honest like death by my mother who has always made it very clear that lying is the worst thing possible that you could do to a person.

I wish I wasn’t raised to have such high instincts. Well it wasn’t just how I was raised it was also the traumatic and extremely stressful events and situations that I went through as a teenager and a kid that has programmed my brain to think ten steps ahead of everyone else. It’s great in some cases but others it makes things difficult especially when I’m trying to start dating someone new or trying to make friends even. I’m a human lie-bullshit detector. The second someone starts being different in any little way with me, I know something is up. I never get involved in drama even in high school and at work. Not only am I focused on what I am needing to get done but I just don’t want the stress and anxiety of people bullshitting me to my face.

Due to how much medical issues that went undiagnosed because of idiot doctors for the first 15 and a half years of my life, my body’s nervous system programmed itself to constantly have to react to pain. Before I got properly medicated and went through therapy and shit, my body would constantly have my brain looking for pain to react to and then when it couldn’t find pain it would set off pain because again, the first 15 and a half years I had nothing done to help what I was dealing with because idiot doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. It even got to the point where doctors and even people in my immediate life were looking at me like I was a hypochondriac making up how sick and how much pain I felt and was in.

To explain this better. You know how when you feel pain like a pinch to your arm, your nerves send a signal to your brain to let you know you felt pain and then it turns off and the pain goes away. Right? Well with me because of how sickly I was, my body never learned to shut off those signals instead they were just constantly on 24/7 which is where I ended up being diagnosed with hypertension disorder. Now that I have had surgeries, treatments, medications, therapy, etc. i am 27 years old now and I say only once in a rare while I will have a bad hypertension episode now. But I am still on medications which honestly compared to before, I am on very little and I take supplements and vitamins to help as well. Exercise is also VERY important for me to do.

Who knew having a extremely sensitive nervous system would lead to me being a very strong and highly intuitive empath. For those of you who think empaths are just empathy or science fiction. It’s not. I had the top psychiatrists at childrens hospital Los Angeles literally have to explain to me that I am a strong empath who to explain it simply, as an empath I can feel the exact emotions other people are feeling. I don’t even mean to but that’s why I get so much social anxiety. I used to cry before going into work because I hated the energy I picked up from negative customers. I’m used to it and better about it now but holy shit the panic attacks I would have before going into work. It was bad I mean it was to the point my mom was trying to convince me to quit my job because of how sensitive I am to how others feel and she felt horrible every time I went into work with my eyes swollen from crying and not being able to breathe.

I have made through many bumps in the road in the last year but I did it. I turned 27 on the 5th and I have a job, I’m taking care of myself, I’m restarting my photography business and will be doing non profit work for SCV Santa which is a non profit for Santa Claus to visit the least fortunate kids and give/donate presents! I am also setting up to start my other businesses which I’ll reveal very soon once I have logos and social media pages made. I haven’t been admitted into the hospital In almost four years now! That is an amazing record for me considering I used to be admitted into the hospital at least once a month starting at 19 years old. I think my shortest stay in a hospital was six days. The longest was a month! I have been resuscitated twice, I have had an emergency blood transfusion from not even bleeding out to put it simply the nurses and doctors said my body was basically shutting down and I was dying from how dangerously low my red blood count was from being anemic. I am a lot better now but I still bruise like a peach. It’s annoying but I’ll live!

I am so happy with the progress I have made with myself and my life. Others may not see it and appreciate it as much as I do for myself but they don’t matter. I know at 27 years old I should be at least moved out, have a boyfriend/husband and maybe a kid but… I sadly have to make up for time that was literally stolen and ripped away from me by things that were completely out of my control. I would be married by now but my fiancé who died in 2016, he was just in a downward spiral and when he died his friends blamed me and said some not so nice things that sent me into a huge downward spiral where I just didn’t want to feel anything that had to do with emotions. I also know my fiancé probably cheated on me with everything that happened. I still love him and may he Rest In Peace but he put me through hell towards the end. I mean I was the one that found him dead in my house that I currently live in and had to call not only his parents but also his older brother who has Asperger’s. I broke down after I called his dad. Probably the most haunting experience I will ever have in my life. I did it because I didn’t want the morgue calling him or the police showing up to the door because my fiancés death was technically a murder to the point a detective was assigned to his case.

I have been through literal hell and even had a little dance with the devil. But here I am, thriving and exceeding even the doctors expectations. Right now they expected me to be mentally disabled permanently with no way of ever coming back to reality. Thank you to my guardian angels and whatever has been guiding me, thank you for helping me be able to live a genuine life with genuine people, even if they are a select few and being an empath it does suck being so sensitive to everyone’s feelings through just talking to them and their actions but at least it keeps me safe. I think ten steps ahead and honestly I am excellent at economics and business because I am able to predict people and even animals so well. It has nothing to do with overthinking even it’s just my brain being so analytical for a female, I pick up someone’s honest body language the second I meet them and the second their body language is off or their actions or whatever, I always know what’s up and what’s coming. I hate it but it’s saved me a lot of trouble and I’ve actually helped a lot of animals and people from situations because I am so sensitive to peoples energies and vibrations. It kind of freaks me out how much I’m able to see whatever is coming but it saves me in the end.

Anyways, I needed to vent a little and explain myself more. I feel like people don’t truly bother understanding me because they have no idea what exactly I have dealt with and been through. Sorry but I’m saying bye bye to anyone pulling self absorbed immature bullshit. I have been through too much in my life to put up with anything or anyone that isn’t genuine.

Hope you all stick around for the progress I’m about to make in the next year.