Alright boys and girls, it’s time for an intense blog post that I was keeping to myself until the right time. I have had many questions about what my medical issues were and how I am/was disabled mentally even when I was physically better. You see, I am not supposed to be as sane, okay, and “normal” as I am today.

The Beginning of My Struggles

The year was 2018, and it was the night before Thanksgiving. This was shortly after my grandmother passed away. I had to say goodbye to her while she was on the ventilator. At the time, I was so weak and dying myself that I couldn’t even go to her funeral. She passed away in October, just weeks before Thanksgiving.

That night, I had a mental break and fell into psychosis.

What is Psychosis?

Psychosis is a mental disorder that causes people to lose touch with reality and have difficulty distinguishing what is real and what is not. Here is the Google AI definition:

Hallucinations: Seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, or smelling things that aren’t real. For example, someone might hear voices that no one else can hear.

Delusions: Believing things that are not true. For example, someone might believe that people on television are sending them special messages.

Disordered Thinking or Speaking: Speech may be fast or constant, or someone might switch from one topic to another mid-sentence.

Changed Feelings: Someone might feel strange, cut off from the world, or have mood swings. They might also feel unusually excited or depressed, or show less emotion to those around them.

Changed Behavior: Someone might behave differently from the way they usually do. For example, they might be extremely active or lethargic, laugh inappropriately, or become angry or upset without apparent cause.

My Journey Through Psychosis

I was in psychosis for three and a half months. The doctors even told my mother, who was working at LAPD at the time, that she needed to retire because she would have to take care of me for the rest of her life.

The true reason I fell into psychosis and had a mental break was because, at the time, my pain management doctor was prescribing me hydromorphone and fentanyl patches simultaneously. I was prescribed a dose of hydromorphone every two to three hours while also wearing fentanyl patches for nearly four years. When I asked my doctor to help me get off the medications, he refused and continued prescribing them.

I decided to quit cold turkey by myself (which is incredibly dangerous and not something I recommend). The withdrawals were brutal. Combined with my grandmother’s death and the trauma of finding my fiancé had passed away in my house, I broke into psychosis.

My mom, close childhood friends, and doctors thought I was gone mentally and would never recover. I do not remember those three and a half months. There were moments of being in and out of psychosis that I vaguely recall, but otherwise, I have no memory of that time, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. My mother even said one night she found me standing in the middle of the street with a car honking at me. I didn’t move until she came outside to get me. I don’t remember that at all.

Recovery and Resilience

The fact that I am alive, thriving, and exceeding all the doctors’ expectations is truly a blessing from whatever higher power exists. I’ve been given a second chance at living a completely different life, and I am taking it.

When I was at my lowest, my health was so poor that doctors and nurses wouldn’t allow me to leave my bed, not even to go to the bathroom. My resting heart rate used to be in the 150s to 200s. While hospitalized, they even had to attach a wireless heart rate monitor that tracked me everywhere I went. Looking back, it’s incredible that I’ve come so far.

The Birth of Equine Lifeline Foundation (ELF)

Everything I have been through is exactly why I want to start a nonprofit organization for animals and people. I’ve already chosen a name: Equine Lifeline Foundation (ELF).

Through ELF, I want to specialize in the rehabilitation of horses and other animals, with a focus on horses as the main priority. This is also in memory of my fiancé, whose loss deeply shaped my journey.

Additionally, I want to create a nonprofit outpatient center for people suffering from mental health disorders such as anxiety, PTSD, and autism. After nearly dying and losing my mind, I am determined to live out my life helping animals and people through animal-assisted therapy.

Gratitude and Future Goals

Even though I still deal with health issues, they are nothing compared to the days when I thought my future was bleak. At one point, I believed that after my mom passed away, I would end up homeless and die on the streets.

But now, I have hope and a renewed sense of purpose. I’m forever grateful for this second chance and for the ability to live my life without so many boundaries. I’m excited to build ELF into a community that embodies hope, healing, and second chances—not just for me but for everyone who needs it.

If you’d like to support Equine Lifeline Foundation or learn more about how animal-assisted therapy can transform lives, stay tuned for updates. Together, we can create a brighter future for both animals and people alike.