Becoming the Woman I Prayed to Be

I used to cry when I looked in the mirror.

As a teenager, I struggled deeply with acne and insecurities. I didn’t feel beautiful — not in the way I longed to be. I would quietly pray that one day I could be seen. Desired in a meaningful way. Not just pretty — but natural, powerful, real. The kind of beauty that radiates from the inside out.

Now, years later, I find myself walking into spaces and being watched — not in fear, but in awe of how far I’ve come. Not just by strangers… but by spirits too.

✨ I Go to Raves Alone — And I’m Still Untouchable

I’ve gone to EDC in Vegas completely by myself. Twice. And both times, guys were shocked that I wasn’t with anyone. My male friends — even the ones who dabble in things like dealing — told me they were surprised I didn’t get messed with. But I never did. Ever.

Instead, people gravitated toward me. Guys would try to flirt, pick me up onto their shoulders, or find ways to hang around me. I’ve even had random men approach me at hotels after raves to see if I’d come back to their rooms — and every single time, I politely turned them down.

I’d show up in my own skin — no makeup, just face gems and glitter. I’d wear what made me feel good: leather thigh-high boots, a cute skirt, a choker — alternative, feminine, empowered. And somehow, I stood out without even trying.

🌙 Eyes Follow Me — In This World and the Next

It’s not just at raves. In everyday life, I constantly feel eyes on me — sometimes admiring, sometimes predatory. And being seen this much isn’t always a blessing. I’ve had people try to sexually assault me. I’ve experienced unwanted attention. And I’ve learned to stay hyper-aware of my surroundings.

But I’ve also come to understand that I carry something… different.

It’s not just beauty. It’s energy. And that energy comes from somewhere deeper.

🌿 Spirit Has Always Walked With Me

I recently spoke with a medium and animal communicator who opened my eyes to the truth I’ve felt but often buried:

“You have abilities,” she told me.
“But you’ve turned them off because of trauma — especially from childhood.”

She said my ancestors and spirits protect me. That I’m never really alone, even when I feel like I am.

And then came Cato.

My late dog — my soul companion — pushed through during the session. The medium said he literally got in her face and declared, “I’m the only dog that can be with her. She needed me.”

And I did. He helped me through so much darkness. She told me his spirit would return.

Now I have Phoenix — a 2.5-month-old malamute-wolf puppy who yelped for my attention when I met him. He acts like he’s been here before. He looks almost exactly like Cato. And I truly believe Cato’s spirit walked into Phoenix, just like she said.

🕯️ They’ve Been Guiding Me All Along

This wasn’t the first time someone saw something in me. Years ago, another animal communicator saw me in person, pointed right at me, and said:

“That girl is something special. She’s going to do something big one day.”

I never forgot it.

And during my latest session, two more souls came through:

• My fiancé Darryl, who passed from fentanyl poisoning.
• My childhood friend Spencer, who died in a car accident.

They both told the medium that because of all the animals I’ve rescued, they feel like it’s Mother Nature where they are — all because of me. Because they knew me. Because of the love I’ve shown this earth.

🌺 More Than Pretty

So yes — I know I’m beautiful now.
But it’s not the kind of beauty I prayed for when I was young.

It’s deeper.
Wiser.
Earned.
Protected.

I’m not just desired — I’m divinely shielded.
I’m not just looked at — I’m felt.
I’m not just “that girl” in boots — I’m the woman I became, through every scar, scream, and soul I loved and lost.

And I still believe what they said:
I’m here to do something big.
And I’m just getting started.